This is an abridged version of Kyle’s testimony.

I was born in 1988. My mother was 17 and my father was 19. I grew up in the town of Woodstock and I lived there until the summer of 2014.

When I was 6 months old they married out of what now seems like obligation to me and my best interests at the time. But by the age of 2 they had divorced and went their own ways. Primary custody was granted to my father because, at the time, my mom’s living arrangements were not stable enough.

Growing up I always asked my family about my childhood, only to get semi-truthful answers and conflicting stories which really puzzled me.

From what I heard, my life from the get go was dysfunctional.

I was in the 3rd grade when I viewed pornography for the first time. It was at a friend’s house and his dad had a large trunk in the garage full of magazines and we would sneak in to look at them, often getting caught. It only took a few times of getting caught before they were removed permanently, but those images were stuck in my memory and shortly after that, I found myself acting out.

After my 17th birthday, my first love entered my life, and boy was she a firecracker. She quickly grabbed all of my attention and because prom was right around the corner I asked her to go with me. It wasn’t more than a few weeks of getting to know each other that I asked her to be my girlfriend and she said yes and the next day she said yes to having sex. We couldn’t get enough of each other and she made me feel as if I was needed. She did admit to cheating on me a few times but every time I let it go. She made me feel amazing and I wasn’t going to give that up.

By 18, I was already smoking, having sex regularly, drinking, as well as getting deeper into a porn addiction. I truly felt like an adult now.

I just barely graduated from high school and went right into the work force. My family convinced me to join the electrical union, just like my dad. I was accepted into the union and I had no idea what to do with the kind of money I was making. My dad let me live at home to save-up money so after a while I had a lot of extra cash. Cigarettes, alcohol, countless “date nights” and many activities, it didn’t matter what – I had no limits.

You’d think that I would notice something was wrong with me, but my pride had blinded me. One day at work, I received a very odd text from my girlfriend that she was leaving me for another guy and I was crushed. She had told me that I was her entire world and that perception was shattered. All this time, money and effort were for nothing.

Not long after getting introduced to cocaine, I found myself with a bunch of new friends, and those friends eventually would ask me to get cocaine for them when I got mine. It didn’t take long before I was carrying for several people consistently. Then, one day, as I was staring at a lot of money in my hands the thought came to my mind, ‘why don’t I just buy a large amount and have my friends buy it from me…’ (but I’m not a drug dealer).

I became the drug dealer. Not to support MY drug habit, I did it because I felt like ‘the most important guy.’ I felt needed in a whole new way. I was having the time of my life, free drugs and alcohol, different women almost every week, and nobody could tell me what to do. I was in control and it felt good.

And then I met “my Delilah.”

I was at the bar, and then a girl walked in that my friend knew, and we ended at her place doing our thing. Not long after that I was selling drugs to her, and we soon entered into my newest dysfunctional relationship. I didn’t know what to do. She was fighting to end the relationship in any way, eventually leading to physical altercations. But we would always come back to each other. All of these un-wise choices and activities lead to my arrest. My family was upset. I was so ashamed. After my arrest, I just didn’t care anymore, and I continued with my lifestyle.

Along with alcohol, pot, and now smoking cocaine, this lead to many weekends of binges and fighting with “Delilah” and then making-up; only to repeat my cycle of insanity.

I was missing work often because of my partying. I bounced from company to company only to be let go because of my absences. I was getting closer to my rock-bottom with absolutely no where to turn and on the weekend of my 26th birthday, “Delilah” ended up burning all the things I had at her house. It was over between us. I even tried turning to my “so-called” friends only to find that they would be no support. Surprise!

I was now on disability because of my back, and I was doing anything I could to make new choices in my life, but I didn’t know how. I hung-out with a cousin and she was supportive, as much as she could, along with my brother. I started feeling like my life was finally getting back on track. But I was still using weed and alcohol daily to numb the pain, but at least the girl and the cocaine were gone.

Music became my newest best friend. While my cousin was helping me get back on my feet, she introduced me to a band named “Tool,” which I loved. Little did I know that God would use a song of theirs to invite Christ into my life. The lyrics were “Jesus Christ, why don’t you come save my life now. Open my eyes, blind me with your light now.” It seemed perfect and I listened to the song over and over. At that moment things started happening on a spiritual level that I couldn’t explain.

Not having a relationship with God yet, over the next few weeks I had confusing thoughts about God, and didn’t know what to do.

Then another cousin, who was a Christian, saw a post I put on Facebook and asked what was going on. I told her that spiritually, things have been taking place that couldn’t be explained, so she asked me to come over. We talked for hours, and when she talked about God it just seemed right.

I quit going to a Buddhist temple and started going to church with my cousin, and that’s when it happened. The second service I attended with her, God had worked my name into the service and had it repeated several times throughout the pastor’s sermon. I was speechless. Even my cousin was in awe. We just looked at each other in amazement and that’s when I knew God was talking to me.

I found out that my great aunt was a pastor and had done jail ministry as well as helped lead at another Celebrate Recovery. I started meeting with her and that’s when she told me about Celebrate Recovery. I went to check it out. I knew that codependency was a perfect description for what I felt like I struggled with, and sitting there that night, it felt great to hear people talking about God and the fact that they had issues. I had found a “safe place.” I made the decision to start attending this Celebrate Recovery.

Knowing Jesus was in my recovery has been the only thing that has gotten me through. The first year was a roller coaster, learning about all my problems and the depth of them was tough, and knowing that God was right there encouraging me and helping me through every day was the best part. I was guilt-free! And now, God, the creator of everything, was going to manage my life from now on. Talk about a win-win situation.

Allowing Jesus to be the Lord of my life was the most important decision I’ve made in my life. I felt like I was home. The unconditional love that God provides is unlike anything else that can be found here on earth and I’m experiencing the love that my heavenly Father has given me and the hope for living a life worth living. Letting God be in control helped me address one of my biggest character defects: trying to control my life-situations. I felt freedom.

Two years ago I was at the darkest point of my life; crack, alcohol binges and other drugs filled my weekends to help me try to escape the hurt that I kept bottling-up. It had to end for the new to begin. The only way anybody learns anything is from experiences, and I realized that living a Christ-centered life is THE only way to truly live life. Real joy and happiness come from giving away what you have. The missing component in my life was hope, and now I have a hope-dealer and His name is Jesus Christ.